Our 5th BLOG-versary

Yesterday was the 5 year anniversary of this little, derting blog! 5 years ago when I started this journey....I was very sad and uncertain of what the future would hold and this became a way for me to release emotions and now reflect on the things that have changed over the last 5 years!! 

This became my outlet after we, the 3 dertings, experienced a miscarriage. We knew we wanted to space our kids out.....for several reasons, 1 in daycare at a time, 1 car at a time, 1 college at a time, and my little brother, Wesley and I are about 5 years apart....and he loves me lots....so we decided thats what we wanted for our kids as well! We were very excited that things were working out just like we had planned.....I was due in April, right near spring break, which meant I could take a long summer.....BUT those plans all changed on 9/29 in 2010.....we were really unsure that we would even try again....why chance it again.....maybe there was a reason for this sad situation......

So the leaves changed and I remember the 1st weekend of October just like it was yesterday.....sitting on the couch, looking out the sliding glass door at leaves blowing, sun shining, beautiful weekend....but I was far from enjoying my surroundings......I was sad, mad, hurt, who knows what else.....

After a few weeks things settled back down and time moved on.......and by November we had a little "turkey" in the oven.....we kept this little secret to ourselves, just in case.....but by Christmas I couldn't take it any longer!!! We were pregnant....

February came and we discovered near Bryson's bday that he would have a little sister.....Spring followed and the April that I dreaded in September seemed to be a little easier knowing Britan was still growing in my belly!!! 

And then JULY arrived...I was miserable, I was hot, I was miserable, I was fat, I was miserable, I was swollen, I couldn't find my toes, I was miserable....BUT on that last Saturday in July I was in pain and had no idea I was in active labor....by early afternoon we had our sunshine from those cloudy, sad days.....Britan Rae was here!!!

So #thedertings have changed lots in those short 5 years....we had Britan, Bryson started school, my career changed, Brooks continues to mark years off towards his retirement, Bryson learned to ride a bike, Britan learned to walk, Bryson learned to swim, Britan learned to talk, we have traveled, Bryson has continued to play soccer, Britan started preschool, we started running as a family, Bryson took his 1st EOGs, Britan started dance, we have made memories (my favorite).....SO many things have happened, have changed, and it never would have ended up this way had we never experienced that September......

For some reason September continues to be one of least favorite months....its not bad, its not terrible, its just not fun! So good-bye September until this time next year!!

Here's some of my favorite (well just a few) pics from the past 5 years!!

Much love, Alysha

 

   

What's worth it to you?

I somewhat feel like I have forgotten how to "blog"....ideas run through my head, but nothing comes together like it used to when I started this adventure FIVE years ago....how crazy is it that it has been that long.......my motivation for this blog was because in September of 2010 we had a miscarriage and this was my voice to my feelings and emotions through that time.....and look where we are today.....my Britan Rae turned 4 years old just the other day!!

However, I still feel like there are things I want to say....I just can't compose them the right way. I am not sure if it is because I am out of the habit or is there just no meaning to all the thoughts floating in my head.....every couple of months I get this feeling, like I NEED to blog about something and it weighs on me till I do it (goes on my endless to-do list).....I have had this feeling for about a week and I just haven't been able to put my finger on what I am suppose to be blogging about....

Take a look and see what you think:

One of my last posts was about trying to keep up with what others have....this still bugs me! People are always wanting to be like others, always wanting what others have....yesterday Brit and I went to church while the boys were out of town and I knew that if there was something I needed to blog about, I would find it at church....SO there towards the end of the service it became obvious, he began to focus on it more: materialistic and idolizing "things and others"!! Which is kind of funny b/c I had already composed 1/2 of this post before church yesterday, just couldn't put the "final" stamp on it.....

Here is something to ponder: Is it really going to matter in 20 years if you had those cool $120 pair of shoes in the summer of 2015? Are you really going to be remembered by the car you drove that cost you a fortune? Are the places you shop, now, really going to matter when you are 53? Who are you truly living for, yourself or to be like others? Are you giving in to every want and need your child(ern) have to make them "happy"? Do you do whatever it takes to make sure they (children) "fit in"???

I watched a video the other day about how money can't buy happiness. Do you realize how true this is? People that have tons of money still have problems. The problems are different in magnitude to problems of people that don't have money, but at the end of the day PROBLEMS are still there! Money and things don't truly make you HAPPY.....yes, they may satisfy a need at the moment, but that moment will pass and the supposed "happiness" is gone!

At church he made a great point that I feel like was PROBABLY me years back when I had the secret debt issue (I am sure you remember that post)......he said, "do you drive down the road and say, oh I wish I had that car, I wish my house looked like that, I wish I could go there, I wish I had her clothes, I wish, I wish, I wish, I wish".....yes, I probably used to do that and don't think that there are not times that I don't say that b/c there are times that I do, BUT those times and WISHES have diminished greatly since I learning the (somewhat hard) lesson of living within our means!!

There are so many people that want to have what others have, want to be like others, want their kids to have the "best" of everything (which brings up another thought, what is the "best"? the best to me may be different from your view of the best, so is that battle really worth it? I may think Nike is the best and you think Nike is cheap that Adidas is the best, I am not going to be able to convince you that I am right and you are wrong nor am I going to waste time trying to do so!!) (sorry that was a lonnng ( ) and for the record I could care less about Nike or Adidas).....people often think that if only I had "this (you fill in the blank)" THEY will like me, THEY will want to be my friend, THEY will think I am part of "them".......if "THEY" (whoever they may be) don't accept you for you, "they" aren't worth it!

When looking at the "big" picture of life, you have to ask yourself what is worth it!?!?! Is seeing your kids happy and preparing them for real life, knowing they know how to earn and work for what they have, worth it? OR Is giving them every, every, everything they could possibly "want" and not teaching them how to work hard and earn things, worth it? AND you can ask yourself the same questions....Is running up every credit card for every want you have and not being able to pay the electric bill, worth it? OR Is figuring out how much you actually have in the bank account and figuring out how to make it work within your means, worth it!?!?!? I promise b/c I have lived it, I (and we, the dertings) are MUCH happier, content and more focused than we have ever been!!!

Phew.....glad this is done, I knew there was something I was needing to say!!...I think I could go on, but you are probably done listening to me ramble on!! I do want to thank each of you reading and supporting this little blog of mine....

Much Love, Alysha

The stress of EOGs!

Happy Friday!!!
I don't have much time today, but I wanted to post about this touchy subject because for The Derting's the stress of the dumb end of year testing has now diminished...and before we drift back to normal.....I wanted to share.....

This has been a crazy, stressful week for many of us parents out there not to mention how our kids feel.....(an EOG is an end of grade test for 3rd-8th grades, an EOC is an end of course test for 9th-12th and now the good ol' state has added NC Finals for many courses 6th-12th)......all it truly means is STRESS, STRESS, STRESS..............

I know first hand from the teacher perspective how important "the test" is.....it says how "good" or "bad" you are as a teacher, your students scores measure the performance how good you have been teaching all year, right???....BUT this week I got the parent perspective as well.....Wednesday was the 1st day Bryson took his 1st ever EOG in Reading.....needless to say Tuesday night was difficult and Wednesday morning was worse.....tears were shed in fear of this piece of paper that he thought determined his fate F.O.R.E.V.E.R!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I often told my students......that I, Alysha Derting, FAILED...BIG FAT F.....3rd grade tests, 4th grade test, 5th grade tests....etc!!! I attended summer school in 3rd grade to "try" and increase my poor score.....and honestly all I remember was playing Oregon Trail on the computer most of the summer! I was not a strong student, I was not even a good student...I struggled ALWAYS.....failed geometry in HS, failed a spanish or 2 in college, failed college algebra.....twice! Y'all it took all I had to take a test and barely make a passing grade.....so Wednesday when my very own 9 year old.....cried in fear of going to school.....................I was FURIOUS! School is not the easiest for Bryson....he has pushed all year to work towards the highest reading group.....why? Because he had a goal to make it there....and last week he finally did!

I am so serious when I say.....SCHOOL IS HARD....THE TESTS ARE HARDER AND ITS JUST NOT FAIR! There is no reason why babies....3rd and up, should worry themselves sick over a dang test! I try to share my story whenever I get the opportunity......I failed 3rd grade and was graciously "passed" on because I attended summer school....BUT did that impact my whole life, NO,  was I devastated that I could never pass college algebra, YES,  BUT am I THANKFUL FOR each and every one of those challenges....ABSOLUTELY! If I had an easy road, I would not be doing what I do today, I would not have the personal aspect to share with others....that life is going to be okay, if you don't pass....the world will continue to turn no matter what the test score is!

So although I am over the moon that my boy just killed his first EOGs......I am sad for those sweet babies that face retakes of that awful ol' test....sad that they have to deal with it AGAIN!

All I can say is.....the test is one day, one day in a big lifetime of days, its a way to show what you know, but its not a way to destroy if what you know isnt shown!!!

Congratulations to everyone that was successful on the EOGs this week.....just smile and move on to those that were not as successful and remember.....tomorrow is a new day and when you are 33 that test you weren't successful on will not mean a thing!!!

Much Love,
***Praise your babies for each and everything....that can make or break them!
Alysha

"keeping up with the ________" somewhat shifted to "bitter or better"

FINALLY, I feel like I have what I need to share this post....it has been brewing in my head for months, but every time I tried to put it into words, they wouldn't come out...

So often we find ourselves trying to "keep up with the __________" (others)...you fill in the blank....and often times if we feel like we don't have what someone else has we aren't good enough, or doing enough, or worthy enough.....and then that lust for whatever reason turns into resentment.....and over time that resentment turns into bitterness! **the definition of resentment is: feeling of bitterness!!

I have been wanting to write about how there are things others have that I want....but for whatever reason its not meant to be or meant for me to have because if we all have it all then this world wouldn't be unique....I am talking small stuff to big stuff...maybe a cute necklace to the pool I dream about in the backyard...I have wants and they are often things that others have....BUT when I really take a look at what I do have and what The Derting's have, there is truly nothing we NEED to make it through life....we have food, we have a house, we have clothes (probably too many), we have cars and gas for the cars, my kids have way more than they truly need b/c these things don't really matter....we try hard not to buy our kids toys, you know my motto: memories over things....if they want something THEY buy it!

While at church recently, I finally saw the purpose of my next post....it was eye opening...they called for any one that was broken or bitter to come forward and take a stone (I think, it was a stone), once the stone was taken the bitterness and brokenness then needed to be changed into BETTER!

We write our own stories, I can't write yours, you can't write mine, I can't write my kids, etc....it is US (YOU, ME) that live OUR lives. I couldn't believe the crowd of people that went forward openly confessing that they are bitter or broken and I am sure many had very valid reasons to be this way, but I hope that if they went forward because they are lusting over what others have, things that they want, the job they didn't get, the car they can't afford, the school they didn't get accepted to, wanting to be like others....they, TODAY, feel BETTER.....these things are just that, "things".....they may make you happy for a period of time, but that won't last forever....

As for the families: The Davis', The Johnshon's/Montogomery's, Little Teagan's family....I am broken for all of them.....it is heartbreaking to see so many in the very small community I live in dealing with such pain (daily), it isn't fair and it is especially not fair if you are in a bad mood and mad at life because you don't have some small petty object....and then I can't even imagine or take my mind to places like Baltimore or Napel.....there are devastating reasons why some are broken and bitter, but if you wake up in the morning mad and anger at the world because your friend on FB got a new car or someone is going on a trip that you wish you were or you don't have that new pocketbook that you have been wanting.....and you allow yourself to be bitter or broken because of it PLEASE, PLEASE rethink your bitterness before you get out of the bed...

My original thought was to share about "keeping up with the _________" and explain how hard Brooks and I try not to have the mindset of wanting to be like others...we strive to be the Derting's and whatever we have worked for and have attained is simply because we have worked for it and attained not because we want to be like others.....granted don't get me wrong when I say.....I STILL WANT A POOL, I still want a pool....would I like a nice fancy, fun car, YES...but is my day, my week, my month, my attitude ruined because there is something out there that I want that someone else has and I don't have it! NO!! I make today what it is.....I choose to be better! I choose to spread BETTER to others....we have issues, we all do and we all choose what we do with the issues.....we let them control us or we control and contain them!

I know there are so many out there hurting, so many that it is a physical and emotional challenge to even wake-up in the mornings, and it is hard to see why the unthinkable is happening and it doesn't seem fair, but the other reason for my post is if you have the ability (physically and emotionally) to get up in the mornings, then please don't take that for granted, don't let others make you bitter, don't let others control your life and emotions, its your choice: happiness and joy or bitterness and broken!

I feel like I am being way too hard in this post and I feel like some will see it for the wrong meaning....my goal is to bring a different perspective to others, IF one person decides to be better instead of bitter then it was worth it...

***I feel like I have shifted my main purpose of "keeping up with the _____" in this post into a bigger purpose, so maybe at some point there will be a continued version of "keeping up with the ____"....

Much Love,
I choose BETTER, Alysha

It won't be like this for long....

I have had 2 blog topics in my head for weeks.....there's just not been time to sit and get it out, so I think it's only fitting that I start with this topic....

Are you running crazy? Is the to-do list, endless? Is there something new and different to do each day, which makes no day the same?

Yep.....that's us! Spring has sprung and with that brings outside activities, soccer, more daylight which = more work somehow for me, the thought that summer break is near, but yet still so far and to even think about summer means a million and one things need to be accomplished before my mind can fully go into summer mode.....

I am sure I am preaching to the choir when I say.....we have at least one birthday party every weekend for 6 weeks and counting.....soccer games.....Easter activities.....spring cleaning....work....daily life....the list goes on and on......

BUT.....I read another blog a couple of weeks ago and the message stuck with me....sadly, each day the message fades a little more, but it was so clear and so meaningful....

I will paraphrase...A guy was at the gym and another guy said "hows it going"...1st guy "crazy, life is crazy, so much to do...blah, blah, blah".....2nd guy looked at him after listening to his to-do list that seemed HUGE to guy 1 and the 2nd guy said....."sounds like a full life".....

Hmmmmm.....Full instead of busy?!?!?! I kind of like it..... after all, I do it all to myself....plan parties, accept invites, let the kids participate in extra curricular activities, make it a priority to work out 3 times a week, work after hours, church, etc.... we all do.....we all run like crazy and when someone asks often I am guilty of complaining about what I have to get done and I have completely done it to myself....

Life is completely full at the moment and there are several things we could cut out and life wouldn't be as full anymore, but obviously we want to be this way....we want to be "full/crazy".....

After I read his post.....I started thinking....yes, it is somewhat annoying that Britan still comes in our bed most nights anywhere between 1:00-5:00 and sleeps sideways which pushes Brooks and I to the edge of the king size bed.....BUT, it won't be like this for long....

yes, it is somewhat annoying that I have to call out spelling words daily and do fluency and make sure Bryson reads 25 minutes......BUT, it won't be like this for long....

yes, it is somewhat annoying that there use to be at least one day week we could sleep past 7:30....BUT, it won't be like this for long....

yes, it is somewhat annoying that we usually aren't home 5 night a week......BUT, it won't be like this for long....

yes, it is somewhat annoying that I started the spring cleaning list and I have to clear out all the kids clothes and toys......BUT, it won't be like this for long....

Before we know it....Britan won't need our bed, Bryson won't need help with homework, there won't be anywhere to go on Saturday mornings, we won't have plans 5 nights a week, and one day there won't be kids closets and clothes to clean out.....

So for now....I am trying really hard to enjoy our FULL life and all that it brings with it.....because "It won't be like this for long".......

Slow down and enjoy the fullness....

Alysha

***Stay tuned hoping to blog about "keeping up with the ________" soon!!

3 years debt free.....

Wellllllllll.....it has been 3 years today, since the Derting's began the debt free journey...

Many of you read my story of my secret life with credit cards a couple of years ago and the ridiculous amount of debt I was carrying in my expensive Coach bag....somewhere like $33,000++!!!

3 years ago my husband forced us to make a change once he realized how awful my secret was....and we still live by the rules he set that day....

We are on a budget: monthly, weekly, daily.....every penny we earn, work for, find, etc has a place to go and it is NOT on credit cards.....

{Disclaimer: we do have a credit card that we use for our purchases and bills to earn Disney points (this earned us $300 to spend while at Disney) HOWEVER this card is paid OFF every other day if not daily, it never has a revolving balance, so yes, we have a credit card, that has a $0 balance!}

On this day our life CHANGED...no going out to eat whenever we were hungry, no shopping just because, no things we don't need at the store~for me it meant no more fun....but that philosophy changed {it has taken some time to change, but it has been a good change}.....

We still budget for EVERYTHING: the house payment, the 1 car payment (which we recently upgraded the pilot for less of a payment monthly, brooks is the negotiator everyone needs at the car dealership), the cell bill, the cable bill, the insurance bill, the electric bill and the water bill...NOTICE no other bills that we don't need to live!! We budget weekly for groceries: $100 and I strive to go below....this includes cooking at home usually 4 if not 5 times a week, with breakfast and lunches included (it is possible when you PLAN)....We budget weekly for gas: $100 and with gas prices that savings has been amazing....We budget weekly for Britan's sitter, her preschool is paid at the beginning of the year (thanks to my husbands "squirrel" fund)....We budget weekly for going out to eat: $30 a week...so we either get a really good meal or a couple cheaper meals......We budget weekly for our allowance: $60 a month for each of us...this money is for whatever we want....it is not needed for anything we need to live.....AND We budget weekly for savings.....

There is this thing Brooks calls the "squirrel fund", often this animal gets on my nerves, but this animal has bought Carowinds passes for the summer, random trips, or outings that we don't have to take money from our allotted "budget" to do.......

We have the philosophy that we don't need "things" to be happy and live a full life....our kids don't get toys unless there is a special, special occasion....toys create clutter, memories are forever...we would rather go somewhere and do something fun, have friends over for play dates and sleepovers, sneak out for ice cream right before bedtime every now and then, have birthday celebrations with family and friends.....

I write about this topic, again, because I hear radio and TV people talking often about how it is "okay" to hide debt and money from your husband/wife and although it worked for me for a really, really long time, it is so much easier knowing we don't have to worry about paying the bills, what we are going to eat tomorrow, paying for preschool, etc....It was fun and I guess somewhat easy to spend money that we didn't have, whenever and wherever we wanted....but now we spend money that we have and when we actually need things instead of just "wanting" them....and honestly its NOT okay to hide things that could ruin everything you have!!!

This has not been an easy journey, there have been times we have not been able to do things that we really wanted to do because it was not in our budget.....but in the end the result has been worth it!!

Much Love, Alysha

My "Running" Life

First, it has been way too long since I posted a blog.....I almost feel like I have forgotten how to write, so we will see how this goes...

I want to write about my new life that includes running.....I have tinkered with running for about 6 years now, but it has not been pretty, the most I have ever run until the last 6 months was 3 miles and those 3 miles were slow, awful, painful, annoying, etc.....It takes all I have to run......

When I started this journey it was to prove to myself that I could run 3 miles.....I accomplished that and had settled for that saying I would "never" run more than that, I am not a runner, I do it for the runners high I feel when I cross the finish line, but I truly never worked very hard at it.....35 mins was acceptable just to say I had run a 5k......BUT.......that is slowly, slowly, slowly changing.....

When I decided I was going to raise the bar and do 13.1 I had to find strength I didn't know I had, time that I didn't know existed, sacrifice that I didn't realize I needed.....running is a full time job....you have to plan when you can have a long run (long run-for me is over 6 miles)....I had to map out how to truly get myself into some kind of shape to be able to do it, running had to be put on my calendar.....over time it has become life changing, something that I am scared everyday I can lose and it will all go away....it is soooooo easy to say "I'll do it tomorrow" "I will run extra next week" "I will just run a couple today and do more later"........

I know for myself I can do anything, if I have a goal in front of me....I can make myself to do it, to accomplish something.....so all those years of 5ks that was enough.....now that I have accomplished this goal, I want to keep going probably not a full marathon anytime in the next few years (I wont say never b/c that didnt work out last time).....but I would as crazy as it sounds like to do another 1/2.....soon......

Running has become something that I realize I truly need or I feel crappy and tend to be more grumpy....running is becoming a way of life for the Derting's....if you havent seen my husband lately....he is a bit of a speed racer that has lost about 30lbs (that kind of makes me sick).....it is not about weight for me....it is about being a better, stronger person.... and if I lose (I would rather tone) then that is just a bonus....

My goal is to encourage others to be better for yourself.....want more for yourself.....want to be stronger and healthier for you!


------------------------Here are some memorable running flashbacks from this new life journey and a few highlights from my 1st half-marathon experience....I did try my very best to document as much as I could b/c I know that it was a once in a lifetime experience...I would probably (never) pay to do it again.....I was a little disappointed that only about 3 miles of the 13 were within the park.....the rest were back roads and parking lots....so here is the 8 month journey.....

April 22nd I waited patiently for the race to open 

& registered quickly before it

sold out in 3 hours!

In May I started something new to add 

to the challenge-

calorie counting! Still

do it daily!

As you can see from the cake, I still

eat things I really like :)

Time without the kids

turned into running dates!!

In June I tried speed training, I still really struggle 

with this...fast running

is super hard for me!

When school started I worried I would lose

momentum, but I managed to accomplish my

longest run and 5 miles in under an 

hour in September...

I ran my 1st 10k in late September.....

In October I continued through the wind & rain...

and started going to abs class

twice a week at the Y!!

He continued to push me to new limits...

6 miles on the beach in November!

Finally hit double digits the 1st week of December!!

2 days after Christmas, I hit the magic number

& hurt my knee in the process..

terrifying with 14 days until race days..

For the New Year, we ran a couple miles...

its a family affair!!

The finished product! 

If I can, any one can!!!

Much Love, Alysha