So I have pondered this post all day and I have come to the conclusion that this is the place where venting helps me the most......before I begin you must know that I am VERY GRATEFUL, VERY THANKFUL, AND VERY BLESSED to have this baby girl in my belly, but.....................my body and mind are so tired!
I am pretty certain, at this point, that God knew exactly what was best for us when we lost our other baby in September.....and concluding the school year yesterday makes me believe there was a reason even more! Brooks literally (I am serious) rolled me out of the bed yesterday at 6:30, FORCED me into the shower and COAXED me to the car to finish up my last workday. I now know, there would have been NO WAY that I could have worked for 7 more weeks and continued to function without the assistance of a wheelchair, a midday nap.....and perhaps even a diaper!
My intent is to not complain and to not wish this joyous occasion away, but I do want to take a minute to document my day, so that in a few weeks when I have a precious baby in my arms I can look back at this and know the the pay off was WAY WORTH THE PAIN!
We will start with yesterday when I got off of work....came home took my, MUST HAVE, 2 hour nap. Now these naps are the BEST sleep I get these days, they are in the middle of the day, on the couch, comfortably on my side with Bryson and his cartoons in the background. So I knew when I fell fast asleep it would be another late night for me. I got up managed to do a few things (and they were just a few) and went to bed at 10ish.....now just because I went to bed DOES NOT mean I went to sleep b/c you see it is very hard for some reason to fall asleep at NIGHT these days. I know what you are thinking, that is my body preparing for late night feedings and midnight diaper changes, but I LOVE SLEEP and I promise I will meet all the needs Britan has once she arrives, but tossing and turning and going to the bathroom 4 times in 30 minutes is really getting OLD! Brooks is next to me sleeping peacefully, telling me to turn the TV off, and go to sleep for at least 2 hours before my body even gets close to comfortable to consider going to sleep and once it does.....then I get up at least 5 times to visit the bathroom and turn down the thermostat! I am being totally honest when I say I DO NOT REMEMBER ANY OF THIS WITH BRYSON. I am not sure if it is one of those bad memories that you block out, I am not sure if it is because he was a winter baby and we are in the HEAT of summer, I am not sure if its b/c this is as BIG as this body has ever been....or could it be that 5 1/2 years older makes a HUGE difference....I don't know there are endless reasons, obviously!
So this morning, this glorious morning, there was no 6:30 rising for me......9 am did some good or at least I thought until I was back on the couch by Noon for my afternoon nap! So I forced myself up around 2 to do some things around the house and get ready for an excellent photo shoot with Amber Wallace :) I got up washed a load of clothes and needed ANOTHER break! The little things that use to take minutes to accomplish now take HOURS due the need for rest and trying to get rid of the Braxton Hicks Contractions. I am confident that the end product is SO WORTH all of this uncomfortableness.
So.........Here's to another 7, wonderful, weeks of not sleeping, using a roll of toilet paper a day, and literally waddling as I walk! Again, please, note I am thankful for this blessing....I just wish that Brooks could share in the glory a little bit (perhaps a baby belly or something pushing on his bladder ALL day long), I wish that I would be as carefree and clueless as I was with Bryson, I wish the weather would stay like this all summer and I wish there was a pool in the backyard to help these last few weeks pass with a little more comfort!
Thanks for letting me vent.....I really needed it! Hopefully, tomorrow I will be full of energy!!! I hope that you have started out your SUMMER 2011 on a positive note and that you have many FUN and EXCITING things to look forward to as we do!!! Have a GREAT weekend and STAY COOL!!!!
Much love for not judging my negativity, Alysha
