This is my dirty little secret confusion that I would have been humiliated to share this time last year, BUT I am very excited to share the Dertings LIFE changing year with you today......(although there is still a HUGE part of me that can't believe I am getting ready to share this with the world considering NO ONE has known about this)
One year ago, TODAY, we were going to TN to celebrate Bryson's Birthday a little early at Wilderness of the Smokies...it was also his Valentine's Dance at school and I was pretty excited for the weekend to begin......BUT then Brooks called me at work and said to call him immediately....
I did and my HUGE secret was out and honestly it felt like a burden had been lifted off my shoulders although I could hear the anger in his voice and I honestly didn't know if he would divorce me or not........but it felt good knowing that the lies were out and OVER!
I had always balanced our checkbook and had always been in charge of the money b/c I thought my banking skills from BB&T had taught me how to do that...and honestly I was pretty good at moving money here and there and everywhere to make it work.... we wantED lots of things as a family and I was willing to do whatever it took to make sure that Brooks, Bryson, Britan and myself got what we wanted, when we wanted it!
YES.....I knew how to use a credit card............SEVERAL of them (17 to be exact) and I knew that if I was ever caught I would be in SERIOUS trouble, so I just prayed it never happened (what an awful thing to pray for)......I know that this was a huge LIE and very damaging to my marriage and thankfully my husband loves me through even my dirty little secret.......
On this day Brooks discovered my AWFUL secret and then began a LIFE CHANGING YEAR!
He took over right away and turned my wrongs into rights...thankfully we had just gotten our tax money back and I had a bonus from work at the end of February..so EVERY penny went to my secret DEBT! If ONLY that was the end of it....I totaled up my secret at a GRAND total of $34, 353! YES...I just typed that RIDICULOUS, HORRIFIC number....needless to say I was in over my head and I am so thankful that he found out when he did.....this did not include the house or equity line either! I will say that I managed, somehow, to juggle ALL of this and managed to pay everything on time and sustain our credit scores in the 780s.....but I knew I couldn't do it forever....probably not much longer........
We started a BUDGET that DAY and the weekend trip to TN was not as fun as I had imagined...we didn't get to eat where I wanted to or buy the kids anything extra....BUT we made memories on a budget so the trip was a success.....and thankfully by the time we got home Brooks was finally speaking to me again!
I actually told him the other day...I didn't want to continue to lie to him, but that was my only way around this HUGE secret.....and he always said that if he found out that we didn't have money like he thought, then he would leave me, so my fear of the truth turned into lies....I always cringed when he asked me how much money we had b/c it killed me to lie, but I knew it was that or face the consequence of the truth....AWFUL......I KNOW!!!!!
We began rethinking everything we did....we (he) budgeted for us to go out to eat for $30 a week...gas was figured in (we fill up every Friday now), which with my OLD way my gas light was on the MAJORITY of the time, but now I never worry...I am actually cautious about how much gas I use...b/c we budget for $100 a week for both cars and anything we don't spend in gas we GET to KEEP! I also have a $100 a week grocery budget...which has been a HUGE focus for me b/c I try my best to stay as far under that as possible b/c anything extra we GET to KEEP! We budget for pizza night with Deanes once a week....as well!! We eat at home 6 nights a week...1 of those being pizza night and the other days is me cooking!!!! All bills are paid on time (usually as soon as they come in)....diapers are factored in and then there is a LITTLE money to spend IF we need something...which those priorities took a huge shift and there are LOTS of things that we don't really need!!! AND MY HUSBAND SAVES AT LEAST $100 OUT OF OUR CHECKS EACH MONTH (3 checks)!!!!
In the beginning I was terrified...how could I live without eating out...or going into a store and not buying whatever I wanted for us....BUT honestly it has been a much easier transition than I expected...We DON'T eat fast food....I have learned that if we only have $30 to eat it is going to be a GOOD $30 meal and something worth saving up for on Friday or Saturday night.....I thought I would die when summer rolled around last year b/c Bryson and I would eat lunch out at least 3 times a week...Chick Fil A mostly or have lunch with Brooks....BUT that didn't happen this past summer and I SURVIVED!
I honestly think that eating at home and meal planning has helped me maintain the weight I lost from breastfeeding Britan AND I can say I don't miss eating CRAP like I thought I would....it kind of makes me sick when we eat junk b/c our bodies have adjusted to home cooked meals.....
I really thought life was over when Brooks found my secret....no more fun, no more shopping, no more eating out...no more NOTHING....BUT we have survived A WHOLE year and honestly we haven't missed out on much....we have been able to provide a trip to the Bahamas and Disney World (thanks to my mom)...we went to WA State over the summer.....we did not put one dime on a credit card for Christmas....which I added up that we spent about $1800!!!! This was a huge 1st b/c Christmas has always been on CREDIT!!! AND we are making Bryson's dream Birthday come true with a Disney Cruise this coming week......we have shifted our focus of small, petty stuff for BIGGER more MEMORABLE things!!!
In April last year we refinanced the house b/c as some think we got our house for FREE from my dad...this is not the CASE....we paid $125,000 for it and had a $57,000 equity line to remodel it....so we took that and put it together at the Credit Union which we pay $40 extra each month to the principal....then we sadly (it kills me to type this) put a lien on the truck that was already paid off and paid off SOME of the debt on credit cards ($12,000) and we etched away every month paying this off and that off...hospital bills got paid off in August...but then we acquired a bigger sitter bill for Britan so then things shifted again.....little by little we have been cautious and paid off things as we could.....
SO where are we today.......we are in DEBT to our house and the Pilot (1 of the 3 cars...the 2 others are NOW PAID OFF) It took us 10 months to pay back the money on the truck!!!...........and we do have $4,000 left on a credit card and we put in a new heating/AC unit in October that we owe $5500 on BUTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT from where we were this time last year we have paid off $25,000 in DEBT......did I think it was possible...NO....did I think I was going to die....YES.....Am I so HAPPY and PROUD to share this....KIND OF.....BUT I am more proud of the fact that have we not only worked ourselves out of a HUGE hole....we have managed to maintain and continue to provide for our children....
The kids have never and especially this past year gotten toys everywhere they went...they RARELY get something when we go to Walmart or to a toy store.....we have been able to continue to buy nice clothes and shoes, but they DO NOT have petty toys that they don't need and that take up space! Bryson begged for a dirt bike for an entire year and the goal was once the truck was paid (back) off he could get one...but SANTA was able to surprise him a little early! We don't feel like our kids are missing out on much considering they have clothes, home cooked meals, and memories to last a lifetime of fun times..not toys that only provide minutes of entertainment!
I honestly can't believe I am about to share this with the world...there is a little part of me....that is terrified b/c I know how people judge and I know how people talk, but I have always said this blog is a way for me to share our life experiences with our friends and family and this is a HUGE life experience that I have been wanting to share for a couple of months b/c I knew the year mark was in sight and we were going to cross the finish line!!!
As you know by now....my life is an open book thanks to this blog.....
So where do the Dertings go from here....well we are still on the TIGHT budget b/c both of our checks have been cut short b/c of the DUMB tax crap, so we still only have $30 for food...but we do now have $300 extra from the truck payment (that was supposed to take us another 3 years to pay off) BUT my husband has big plans for that money....MORE savings and then some going towards paying off the 1 credit card we have left.....(can you believe we had 17 this time last year and now its 1).......
Our new focus is a KITCHEN.......hopefully next tax season we will make that dream come true AND a pool is on the list shortly after that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I know that I have not blogged in a little while and I have been saving up for this....but I do want to share that I have been working hard on trying to focus on each person as there own self...I am very bad to judge and criticize people when I have NO clue what they are truly going through...I have no idea if they have food to eat or have had a fight with their spouse or money to pay the electric bill..in the real world we really don't know all that much about people except what they are willing to share and often times, people are not willing to share the bad and the ugly...I was a basket case this time last year and I tried my best to hide every bit of this from everyone around me and I think I did a pretty good job considering....so yes, I am sharing more than I should and/or more than you really care about, but in the real world we all have real problems and we all need to know that there is a sliver lining somewhere down the road......
I hope you have enjoyed....
Much Love, Alysha
