post #4 of #6 for the 2023 year.
this topic is going to be touchy, not well received-i am certain by some-and possibly controversial. thats your warning....
i make blog posts for an outlet, started 13 years ago as a healing outlet, lead to a sharing outlet, has dwindled over the years, but the purpose has ALWAYS been the same...an outlet.
i want to start this one with a few pieces of background knowledge 1-because i am not new to this rodeo and 2-because i have learned over the years and reflected on situations that lead me to believe i have decent knowledge of this topic ..
i am mostly a soccer mom...also a tennis mom and a cheer mom, but mostly a soccer mom (no secret in that), but before i was that. i was AND still am a coach’s wife. you see brooks has coached longer than we have been married. he has coached for 20 years.....20 STRAIGHT years....its not like here or there or a fill in, its not like a season a year, its like multiple seasons a year, multiple teams a year, its a lot. always has been. he coached at NIHS my 1st year teaching and then went to WIHS and then coached recreation and now club. all levels 3-18 years old, rec to premier. i honestly wish i had better stats on wins, losses, goals, shutouts, etc. but honestly that is a point i hope to get across in this post........
the stats dont matter. you know why? because it all fades away and the things you really take from it are not about the game! not about the coaches, not about the scores, not about the goals. (take that in and read it again)
i dont write this post for stats, i dont write this post for attention, i write this post because i have knowledge, i have reasons for sharing this topic....
when your child(ern) play sports, they have a coach---good, bad, invested, not invested, dedicated, lacking dedication, etc. when you talk about your child's coach in front of them. you change them. you change the game for them. you change the view of their coach in their eyes. its kind of like a teacher....teachers can be all of the above too----good, bad, invested, not invested, dedicated, lacking dedication, etc. when you talk poorly about an adult your child should respect and majority of the time listen to, YOU change YOUR child. just like a doctor....you go to a doctor and then you tell me they are terrible, eek i am now tainted, i dont want to go to that doctor. OUR opinions of others CHANGE others.
most importantly when your child hears you talking about (good or bad) their coach, their teacher, their doctor, their friend, ETC YOU change YOUR child's views! you may not mean to, it honestly could not even be intentional, but your child wants nothing more than to please you! yes, they want to please friends, teachers, coaches, but their ultimate goal is to not let YOU down as their parent.
so if they hear good or bad things about authoritative people in their lives, they REACT on it! i say all of this because i have witnessed on not just one occasion, but several! parents ruin things for their children. i like to hope that the original intent of whatever you choose to talk with your child about-about their coaches, teachers, friends, etc did not original start out as being harmful/hurtful. i like to hope that emotions, possibly pride, something of that nature got in the way and it wasnt truly to be harmful.
i get it, 1000%! i am not here to say brooks is perfect, outstanding, the best, etc.....i am his biggest critic and he is mine! but i will say, he coaches because he sees things, he sees the game, he sees positions, etc he studies, he plans, he ENJOYS his PASSION. he doesnt do this for money, fame, a pat on the back, etc, he does this because its what he knows! its what he’s lived and its what he wants to share with others. NOW to that i also know he is hard, he can be tough, some would say mean, whatever you want to say, that’s on you....he doesnt coach to lose. he doesnt coach for mediocre. but at the end of the day, the practice, the game---a coach is only as good as the support he has behind him.
i have watched a team crumble, hit rockbottom. and then i saw that same team RISE further than we ever thought possible. when there is toxicity, there is toxicity. and it doesnt matter how good the team is toxicity impacts the whole dynamic.
i also have been more of a coach’s wife than a soccer mom when my husband and my child are on the same field. because although, it may truly not be needed----coaches wives carry heavy, heavy burdens when their husbands are on the other side of the field. it feels suffocating, it feels exhausting and it is HARD. i want nothing more than for YOUR child to succeed alongside my husband. after all, we are on the same team.
how you raise your child is not for me to judge...but please know that YOU are who they want to please most! YOU ultimately hold the key to their successes AND their failures. its not a coach, its not a teacher, its not a doctor or a friend. just be mindful of what you say, your tone and expressing your thoughts about adults that are in the path of your child that hopefully have the ultimate goal of helping YOUR child grow in some fashion!
this post has been years in the making, situation after situation i have replayed thoughts in my head to share over and over, so i share this as my outlet....as always! there is nothing more to it, dont read too much into it....just be MINDFUL!
and most importantly, i am guilty. i have done it. i have participated in negative talk about a leader in my children's lives. i am not here to pretend that i am innocent in that. but the key is learning from that and choosing to do better and build those leaders up NOT tear them down----and i am still learning.
as always thanks for reading & much love, alysha
(if you have 2 more topics for me to write about between now and 1/1/24, please share)
