I am changed.

happy monday.....*for the record I started this 2 mondays ago, so its only fitting & OCD of me to finish it on a monday*

this has taken longer than i wanted, but the title has been there for awhile. i am changed. 

during the process of the last 8 months of life, i have changed, i am changed,  i have grown in areas and probably not grown at all in others, what i did this time last year is a fond memory of an old life! in the beginning of corona i longed for the old normal, now i long for that to never return.

i found lots of JOY from being home and being happy in our home. i am fine to be home with the kids and brooks and just doing whatever and sometimes just doing nothing. nothing wasn't a part of the old life. being busy was what i thought brought happiness...

pre-covid, we were on the road all the time, going here there and everywhere, and now.... i don't want or need that life anymore....it was a good life that we lived, it has many memories and many fond moments, but it was exhausting.....and hard and expensive and show-ie and just busy. 

it seemed we lead this life because it was what good parents should do, right? we should have our kids in everything possible, we should push them to make great grades, be in awesome clubs, lead others, etc....but honestly over the passing months, does any of that really matter?

i know for me my focus over the last few years has been shifted towards minimalism, i have many posts about that....yes, we work hard to provide the basics as well as nice things for our kids, but will that make them an awesome adult? the verdict is still out for about 10ish years....(check back in 2030!)

i caught myself the other day...... brit said she made a 40 on a math POST test (oh my).... i caught myself slipping into the thoughts of "oh no, what about honor roll, what if she doesn't make honor roll" and then i stepped back and said....what the heck is wrong with YOU, ALYSHA, what does 4th grade honor roll matter when she is 23, 43, 83?? i am proud that she was concerned enough to want to do better and was honest about it, but my response became, its okay babe, you will be fine, did you take your time, did you give it your best....it will be FINE! 

i don't want to live that life anymore, i don't want to be controlled by thinking that others judge our parenting skills from whether or not my kid made 4th grade honor roll......or whether or not my kid has the latest and greatest new shoes....or whether or not brit has 4 after school activities that i spend more time driving her to, then i actually spend actual time with her....i. don't. want. to. be. busy. i. want. to. be. intentional. 

there is this object, that i feel defines pre-covid life for us, #thedertings and when i see it, i get that sick feeling in my stomach.....its like an ending, a death, a feeling of----that life is over. that object is our HOV lane transponder in my car, its this little white box thingy, i can only see it when I enter the car from the front, i don't see it from the side or back, so its not daily, but its enough to resonate feelings!.....other than the airport a few weeks ago i can't tell you the last time we "needed" that, can't tell you the last time we traveled that way down 77 to "need" such an object. its weird, but its also a new happiness. its so crazy that, that object is such a defining object for me! 

ive been telling brooks for a few months that i have no desire to go back to the way it was, i have no desire to be a taxi service for my kids, taxi service that once defined me and my happiness and my "good job as a mom". i even said i feel bad for brit bc i don't want to short change her, as we have done and been running for bryson since the age of 3ish.....but over the months she has been pretty content being at home, being still, being comfortable in pjs, dirty hair, living on all the junk food she can find in the cabinets....(and lets face it soccer is not going away, but i do hope we can hone in on the fact that they don't need constant full schedules to be happy, healthy, content kids), they don't need busy to be successful, smart, caring, good people, busy is done defining us! 

i hope that the "new normal" upon us will help others redefine what is busy and what is intentional. 

much love, alysha

continuing quarantine

here we are....day.....??? I don't know..

hope you and your family are adjusting well.....

brit is in the living room/her office having acting class so I thought I would jot down some life moments from the past few weeks so that this is documented years from now....

picnics-we have had picnics in the Mexican restaurant parking lot, random picnic tables from a church on the side of the rode to a park that you couldn't play on the playground.

stores-we are guilty of going to lowes (no judging)....we are in the middle of a basement/pool house redo and that was happening before covid----so it continues, my kids on the other hand have been out about 3x in weeks....I actually ran into big lots last week and brit was like why do they have those things up....those things being the plexiglass dividers...its also super weird to pickup food and everyone have a mask and gloves on....its all still so weird.

homeschool/work---zooming, need I say more....I am zoomed out, but I trying to remain positive, positive that my kids are still engaged in academics even if its scaled back (I will get to more of that in a min), I have had 14 zoom meetings with my teachers and admin over the last 4 days.....we are continuing soccer zooms, acting zooms, brit has GOTR zoom next week, church zooms weekly....I am embracing this as they are still interacting with friends.....and they need that as much as I need them to do it for my sanity......

brooks---he is still working, making maps for the county is essential for ECOM....also essential bc we don't have another room with a door that closes besides bathrooms if he needed to work from home.....

my kids---I brag on them a lot, I know, I am certain you do too....but these life skills and walks and snuggles and 24/7 attention is more than I ever knew we needed....bryson is driving everything we own around the house (not legally, but practicing)....he is mowing weekly, driving mulch to different spots of the yard, spreading mulch, making brownies about every other night and he makes sure to walk with me nightly.....brit she has made several crockpot dinners, taken her chore of gathering dirty clothes to washing dirty clothes, reading more books then I have in my entire life, swimming every day that I allow her to get in the freezing water, and snuggling daily either in the mornings, on our lunch break or before bed!!!

this time is priceless....this time is honestly amazing....I know some are overwhelmed and stressed out being home all day with the kids (and don't get me wrong I have my days), but these lessons, these memories, these new things that life is teaching them is irreplaceable....dont waste it!

I want life to be somewhat normal, absolutely, but I also don't want life to be normal.....I am really torn....I want to see our friends, I actually want to hug people (I am not a hugger, I am a cactus), I want to sit down at a restaurant and be served over and over again.....but I do love this new life at the moment......

alright I must start dinner, so this is it for now....share your new favorite things....

Much Love, Alysha

New Life-Covid!

hmmm, it certainly has been an interesting week, right? this new life, is a lot of adjustment, right? I surely cant be the only one feeling it, right?

positives-
slow mornings for my kids with extra morning kisses, the no rush life...
endless time, daily with my kids, its kind of magical....
pjs, no makeup, no hair (sometimes no shower) days....
laying in bed doing nothing at 8pm, strange concept....
accomplishing the summer to do list in....whats this month? March....
the calendar only contains activities for who knows how long of....just us, #thedertings....

negatives-
this is scary
the unknowns are scary
I miss people
people are dying
is it floating around us right now? and we dont know it?

I find it very important to document what we are currently living these days---we are making and living history. one day we will look back and it will seem so crazy that our worlds stopped and things were forced to slow down in order for things to heal.

I can already feel a difference within myself....and I see it in others as well. we are taking time to be kind, to think of others and not just ourselves, we are greeting random strangers because we have been given a lesson. a lesson that it all can change at any given minute, on any given day.

I will say when I open my calendar or I hear the kids talking to their friends, its painful. its painful because that was my normal 2 weeks ago and I grieve losing what I thought I had control of....I also grieve because we miss our friends, we miss soccer, we honestly miss school. this week has lasted longer than an EOG testing week---and thats hard to beat! this new normal is challenging, I honestly think working outside of the home will be welcomed back with open arms when we are able to!

my thoughts are random and I am sure there will be more, but for now, I just wanted to jot down----day 11 of social distancing, day 4 of working/zooming from home & virtual homeschooling!

I hope you all are well, I hope you all know that in the end we are going to be so much stronger, better and appreciative when this is all over......can you imagine how glorious that day will be?!

Much Love, Alysha

milestone kids.....

It is hard to imagine what life was a week ago.....think back it was Tuesday, some of us were on Spring Break, some were working a normal workday,  life was good, no chaos, no panic.....and now 7 short days later, there is chaos, there are many unknowns, life is changed forever from the way we lived 7 days ago....yes, things will hopefully return to normal, sooner than later (we pray), but we are changed by this, this is a new life....

I feel the need to document the current events because its like nothing I have ever lived, my kids have never encountered, most of my go to people are living this day to day just like me.....we are in uncharted waters.....the plans we even made Saturday are changed...last week we thought we could schedule weeks to months out, but now our lives are changing quickly.....we can no longer plan for days, we are living in minutes at the moment.

We were supposed to have a teacher workday yesterday, which we did, but it went nothing like it was supposed to, nothing that I thought would happen this is week, is going to happen.....and I am okay for the most part with this new-ness of weird-ness....I am okay, staying home and hanging out with the kids....watching Dennis the Menace, getting back to working out (totally blew that last week)....cooking at home, eating at a decent time....I am not okay with the unknown, the broken heart of no regional math expo, no 8th grade DC trip.....those things make me sad, sad because its weird, its hard to explain, its hard to understand....but mostly I am heartbroken for the milestone kids...

I have one....a milestone kid, he isn't a senior in high school or college, but its a big milestone year (in my eyes).....we are moving from middle school to high school in what we thought would be August, we are now possibly moving there without even finishing middle school. (I am crying, again)....I get it, there are much bigger things in life, much bigger things happening right now to others in this uncertainty....but for me in this moment, this is me, I am living with my 14 year old not going on a school trip to DC, not competing in the district robotics competition, most likely not finishing his 8th grade soccer season (and I am so mad I did not force him to take a pic at one of the games he's already played....but who freaking knew?!?!).....probably not having an 8th grade graduation..I know all of these are not completely canceled, but it does not look good....and I also know there are bigger things happening.....just documenting my heart at the moment.....

I also know there are others out there hurting for some of the same things.....I cant imagine having a senior, I am a freaking mess with an 8th grader.....I am sorry to you moms, dads and grads, I am sorry because it is heartbreaking losing these precious milestone memories with no real warning! Possibly no prom, no graduation, no senior trips, I am certain your list is endless......I am also sorry to those last year of preschool parents, kinder parents and 5th grade parents! Milestone kids are being robbed of many joyful times currently!

As I said before, I get it, I know there are more things in life to focus on at the moment...I know that others had awesome spring break plans scheduled, Easter celebrations, birthdays, weddings, it is a sad, sad time.....but in this.....I HOPE I can overcome the tears sooner than later, I HOPE we can embrace this given gift of downtime, I HOPE that this sickness slows and stops spreading at the current rate, I HOPE and PRAY there are no more lives lost......

I know in the end there is a reason, there is a plan, its all a little blurry at the moment, but it will shine at the right time.....I also, know that these milestones we are missing are going to be replaced somehow with possibly even better memories then we could have imagined!

So for the time being, I am going to embrace this gift of time, snuggle my kiddos, do some (more) spring cleaning.....and make the best of this life changing situation....

I HOPE and PRAY you all stay well, EMBRACE whats been dealt, and find PEACE in our new life.....

Much Love, Alysha

#brysonrobert06

14 years ago, we (#theOGdertings) were very young, naive mid 20 year olds. we had been together for 9 years, but only married for 8 months.....we got pregnant in Hawaii on our honeymoon and Bryson arrived exactly 30 days early!

the weeks leading up to valentines I was being monitored for high blood pressure, I am certain it was stress related......Brooks at the time raced RC cars (he would still love to do that and the basement still has several, but instead he pours his "spare time" into soccer).....in FL in Feb they host some big "national" RC event.....we decided it was best if he went and I stayed back (that was dumb thinking about it now)....he left late one afternoon drove all the way through the night to get there, I had an appt the next day, and my blood pressure was worse, so I had to have a stress test.....Brooks drove right back home from Orlando.....I am pretty sure he was gone less than 24 hours (oops)

they let me go home, but I was closely monitored for the next week.....so on Valentine's I had another followup and was told to go straight to the hospital....I didnt because I didnt realize the severity of preeclampsia.....I actually went to chick fil a for a chicken salad sandwich.....

we checked in late Valentine's afternoon and Bryson Robert was born on 2/15/06 at 5:26 pm weighting 6lbs!

he has always been a mama's boy and he still is....I appreciate that he is 14 TODAY and he still asks every night for me to lay with him before he goes to sleep. I love his sweet heart, how he works hard at everything (except loading the dishwasher) , he often has 12 hour days with school and sports....he is super smart, smarter then I could have ever imagined, he serves at church, he has a great group of strong friends, he makes me proud on a daily basis!

so for his 14th birthday----he will be playing soccer and we will be in the car most of the day to play soccer so theres no super fun birthday party or no tropical trip this year, but he will be doing what he loves with the boys he loves on the soccer field! (he did wake up  to 14 of his favorite things) 

This is 14! 

We love you #brysonrobert06 we are so proud of you for all that you have accomplished in 14 short years and we cant wait to see what happens in the next 14....