I tend to overreact......

In case you can't read me like a book....I "guess" that I tend to overreact on some issues....as I have stated in recent posts..my life has been way more stressful than I like it to be lately...mostly work related (however I am very thankful for my job and it is very rewarding) lately it has just been difficult. I told Brooks Sunday that I was ready to go back to work (after my 3 day weekend)  to continue to tackle the end of year issues. Well, it didn't take but about 15 minutes Monday morning before I wanted to eat my words....I just have felt like (with the exception of day, THANKFULLY) nothing but problems, issues, concerns and needs seemed to walk through the door ALL needing immediate attention.....I am hoping that with my caseload winding down to only 2 left for the year, that I can calm down and not let the little things bring me down.

So yesterday I had my monthly checkup and I was anxious, as I always am when I walk through the doors. I have tried to be a "big" girl and go by myself the past couple of times and it seemed to be ok, so I went yesterday ALONE, which was the 1st mistake. I went a month ago and had my midway ultrasound to make sure everything looked good. Brooks thankfully went with me to this appointment, but I was very concerned throughout the whole process b/c she took 76 pictures and would not tell us anything...I realize it is her job to not tell, but honestly I don't know how she managed to not say anything with the million questions I kept asking her, but she did. At the end I think she tried to calm my nerves by telling me that the doctor would call if there was a problem, but she didn't think he would need to, so I took a deep breathe and I have been living off of that since March 2nd. I was mostly nervous because we didn't have this ultrasound with Bryson b/c insurance only paid for one 5 1/2 years ago and the only one I got was at 9 weeks, so this was already a different experience for me.  

BACK to yesterday....I go in...she said I had gained 7 lbs :( which hurt my feelings a little, said my blood pressure was good and told me the next appointment I get to do the diabetes test :( SO the doctor came in, listened to the heartbeat, I told him I had been trying really hard to stay in shape and not gain TOO much weight and he seemed fine with the fluctuation this time, but he doesn't want it to be that high again (and neither do I). So I asked about the ultrasound and he said....she looks good, 58th percentile, not too big, not too small.....and then he said BUT......I do want you to have another u/s in a few weeks.......so my heart dropped and there I sat alone with time standing still.......WHY...why do I need another one????? Well, she is fine, but (and this is exactly what I heard).....you have a short cervix...its 3.6 and we don't want it to be 2.5 or you could go into labor...so we are going to check again and make sure that its not any shorter in a couple of weeks.....and I said and if it is what "could" happen.....you "could" go into labor early......OMG! Not what I needed to hear...so I FREAK out and he tries to calm me b/c he already knows that I am a freak about things, but I tried to appear calm, till I got to the car and lost! I called Brooks and told him what I "heard" and he tried to console me over the phone, but it didn't seem to work either. I came home looked on the internet, which I know is a bad thing to do.....but I couldn't help myself....Brooks looked too from work and we truly found 2 different takes on this "condition".....He found ok stuff and I found horror stories...He came home and washed and dried clothes, loaded the dishwasher, pretty much did everything I would have done if I hadn't been sulking on the couch. I went to bed wondering, had terrible nightmares and worried every hour that I woke up about what "could" happen if I went into labor now.....

Brooks called the doctor this morning to confirm my story and see what exactly we should do from here, b/c in my mind I had myself on bed rest from now till August. So the doctor told him....that I was on the low "normal" size for the length.....I DIDN'T HEAR THE WORD NORMAL COME FROM HIS MOUTH ONCE, but he assured Brooks that it is ok...he just wants to monitor it for now since I did have a miscarriage and since Bryson was a month early...he wants to be cautious. Brooks asked if I should stop working out (which was one of my questions yesterday) and he said no..not at this time b/c right now there is not an indication that anything is "wrong" so I can continue to be "normal" until the next u/s shows something different. 

I am much calmer now and I am thinking that perhaps I was born this way and it was this way with Bryson and they just didn't check it. SO I am going to be more optimistic about this little, minor (I pray) condition and not let it stress me for the next few weeks. I am going to remain clam and continue to walk a little and swim some until the u/s and I am praying that it is either the same length or LONGER on April 20th!

Sorry I rambled awhile tonight....I really wanted to write last night, but I am thinking it would not have been near as positive, so I am glad I waited a day to let this sink in.

Thanks for reading my crazy words, I really appreciate the positive feedback I get back from sharing the crazy thoughts that run through my head. Have an EXCELLENT Thursday :) Love to you as always! Alysha

A more positive outlook!

In case you don't know me by now...let me share with you....I do not like to be a negative, stressed person and to be honest I feel like I have been for weeks and its starting to drag me down. You probably know that my life is pretty straight forward and neatly laid out...my house is organized and my desk at work is usually cleared. I do realize that this is also known as OCD and maybe its some form of craziness on whatever spectrum you would like to call it. I know these things about me and I know that when they are not this way...I am not the way I should be! I do not do these silly things to make others happy, I do these silly things to make my life less stressful. I make to-do lists so that I can bask in the glory of everything being checked off. I don't do clutter or piles of "stuff" sitting around...everything has a place and reason and it should be in its place or used for its reason! 

So there you go...a little background about my silly ways of thinking and my ridiculousness to have my house in order and my work completed, if not before, by the deadline....which brings me to where my mind has been in the last few weeks.....I should know this by now because it happens every year.....SUMMER is coming, which brings an ENORMOUS smile to my face :) BUT before I can let myself get wrapped up in morning swims at the Y, free movie Tuesdays, (maybe) several trips to the beach (depends on Britan) and of course our BEST gift of the summer Miss Britan herself.....I must 1st mark off a mile long to do list at work! I love my job and I strive for perfection in that as well and these days I feel far, far from perfection! I have struggled with several cases....my job requires high levels of confidentiality due to the precious pupils I work with daily therefore, I can't share much information, but I have to say that I have struggled in recent weeks with certain issues more than any of the other 7 years I have been teaching. I am praying that next Friday, which is April 1st, which means April 1st Headcount is due to the EC department, will get here quickly and all of "this" stress will be over. Today I hit a low point, but I found my way out of it with one of the issues at work, so I am hopeful and thankful that my weekend can start out a little less stressed.....

My weekend has begun b/c tomorrow is a workday and I fortunately cleared my to-do list, which means I am staying home!!! Brooks will also be home tomorrow (for those that read last week, I approved for him to take the day off without kicking and screaming about it). He is going to school with Bryson in the morning for "Dad's Day" and then my husband and I have a date at the YMCA with possible lunch to follow....Side Note: I am continuing to workout b/c it makes me feel better and I hoping that it will decrease my chance of a repeat of preclampsia AND I am also continuing to workout b/c I am not fond of all of the OMG your HUGE already comments.....Are you sure your not due before August??......There has to be more than one!!!! Sorry people, but these are not the nicest things to say to a pregnant woman....I realize that I am already larger than I was with Bryson, but I also know that I am taking much better care of myself, I am a little over 1/2 way there at this point (and she does have to grow), and this is my 2nd, so please feel free to rub my belly and say how cute it is, but please don't tell me how RIDICULOUSLY big I am...b/c I realize....NOTHING from Bryson's pregnancy fits....I get it....I am large....I don't need the reminders!! (sorry that was a large side note). After our date.....I may get my nails done, visit a sweet brand new baby girl, and send the boys racing...and come home and be alone... :) 

I am hoping that I am in control of regaining my positive outlook b/c I have missed it so! I hope that your week has been good to you and that you are enjoying the spring sunshine as much as I am!

 Love and Fun To You For The Weekend! Alysha

I have issues!

So I don't remember with Bryson being a psycho, crazy person and if this is the way I am going to be till August, then I may need to be hospitalized for insanity until this baby comes....b/c I am not sure I will make it or Brooks!

I have not had the best week and I really don't want to complain, but I am just to my breaking point, which brings me to today's event.........I had a MAJOR meeting at 8 am with a parent and several other people, so I get to work at 7:37 and a friend tells me that my pants were RIPPED in the back and only continuing to RIP more as I move! Now at this point I have a smile on my face as I type this, but 13 hours ago I was LIVID! 1st of all this are the STUPID maternity jeans that I paid $45 for at Kohls...I already had problems with the jeans b/c the leg inseam is not straight and crosses my foot instead of the side of my leg when I wear them, so they were already CRAP, but I decided since I had washed and worn them I would just keep them and then today THEY rip! So I FLY home, change pants, FLY back and walk in at 7:59....still not real sure how I pulled that off and I apologize to all the people I yelled at on the way to and from!

That was the start of my day and it only continued to not get worse, but just not get better....I pretty much lost it with Brooks today only b/c he thought he would be helpful by taking the day off tomorrow to bring Bryson to Kindergarten :( registration (another emotional train wreck) and then get everything ready for us to go to the beach.........well I see this as UNFAIR....THAT I HAVE TO WORK AND HE GETS TO TAKE OFF! I am the one that has struggled all week with what feels like a million issues....pants that fit last week and this week don't OR rip apart! I am the one who wants to be off for Bryson to go to screening, but I am the one that has to work.....I just saw this as completely UNFAIR.....so I shed MANY ridiculous tears, till he promised me that he would go to work until I got off! I know it sounds crazy, but I really have lost all control over everything at this point including my way of rationalizing things!

Thankfully we are going to the beach this weekend......I am not really sure that I could stay at home this weekend.....I need a BREAK....like yesterday! So I hope that you have a GREAT weekend and please know that if you run into me and I am crazy.....I do realize this, but I have not found a way to control it at this point and please know that maybe one day I will be normal (if that is possible) again! Have a good one! Love always! Alysha

Not my original intent....

 I have pondered all weekend about writing because this is "my out" and I have needed out for a couple of days now, but just haven't been able to sit down to write....I wanted to complain about my crazy week and how I just found gum in my 5 month old dryer, but then I began thinking...............

There is something else I should be doing instead on complaining....I should be thankful and grateful for all I have and all my family has......what the heck am I thinking...because we didn't have power for 15 hours, some people don't have power for days, some weeks because they can't afford it....Brooks and I had a ridiculous argument Wednesday morning, that set the tone for the whole day...(it was all because we got up 5 minutes late and I should mention he drove all the way to SP on his lunch break to put a rose and note in my car....therefore I am very lucky and blessed to have him)....some couples argue everyday over much bigger things, I am thankful that we argue on rare occasion and grateful that it is over nothing serious.....Bryson has been on my last nerve today, but how could I be mad at a child that doesn't understand my crazy emotions at this time....why should I get mad at him, when many out there can't have kids of their own....how selfish Alysha!


I now realize why I haven't sat down before this moment to write....I have seen many sad stories this weekend posted on FB and my so called "bad" week is in no comparison to those who have been diagnosed with cancer, other diseases, said good bye to family members (forever and some temporarily), etc. I get it now.....I am thankful and grateful! I pray for those who have had a much worse week than my very own and I pray that the weeks ahead are easier and less painful than the past. 


I hope that if are one of the ones mentioned above that you find some sort of peace and comfort this week and know that many are praying for you and many believe in the end it will all work out! 


Much love to you and I hope you can be thankful and grateful with me! Enjoy your week! Alysha

Her name is..........

Britan Rae! Sounds like (Great) Britain! I have been guarded about her name because we have told people that ask and we have had mixed reactions....weird looks....awkward silence, which tells me that its definitely a different name and that is EXACTLY what were going for.

Of course her big brother and daddy have the initials BRD, so we wanted to stick with the theme. And as for those who wonder why not my initials well we have reasons for that too....1st of all if I used my middle name then my initials would be ADD and with the profession I am in, I don't care for her to have those initials, granted if she ends up with ADD (like me) then we will deal with that, but I would rather not give her a head start. Then if I use my maiden name in the middle it would be ACD, which when I say it I automatically think ACDC! So no to that too!

I have realized that when I search the name it is mostly for a boy, but we would not have named a boy this only because when I hear Brit with An at the end, I don't think boy, I think pretty and different! When I was searching I learned it has not been in the top 100 baby names since 1993 and that is how we want it, nothing too common and nothing like Brittany or Bethany or Brianna (not that there is anything wrong with those names, we just wanted different and unique).  And as soon as I said it several weeks ago Brooks immediately liked it, so since we agreed right away we think its meant to be.

We have struggled with the spelling, but a good friend suggested we leave out the last i (Britain) and I love it like that! Also, (here we go with my numbers game) Brooks, Alysha, and Bryson all have 6 letters and so does Britan, so there ya go, its PERFECT!!!! I would love to throw a y in there instead of the i because I am partial to y's, but I just can't make it sound grammatical correct, so we will learn to love the i just as much as the y!!!!!

So there you are, she has a name and has had even before we knew she was a girl (actually we couldn't settle on a boy name, but this one was easy). We are very PROUD to be the parents and sister of Miss Britan Rae Derting coming in August!!! :)

~HELPLESS~

Sunday I had already prepared myself for an exhausting week ahead...that contained a 12 hour workday Monday, 2 doctor's appointments, soccer practice/games, and many things to accomplish at work....but the silver linings of the week would be Wednesday when we get to see the baby again and Thursday when we meet my NH mother-in-law for dinner at the Melting Pot, so there are EXCITING things coming.........BUT

I had no idea that Monday would turn out crazier than I expected! I worked till right at 7 last night and Brooks and Bryson went to work on a fish tank, so we ended up getting home within minutes of one another to find that....there was NO POWER! We had a massive storm as most of you know, but I had no clue what we were in store for with the night ahead. When I pulled onto our road it was PITCH dark and it appeared that my bright lights weren't doing a very good job, so then I pull into the driveway mashing the garage door opener 100 times, until my light bulb came on and I realized....Um, the garage door requires power! So I was greeted by Diesel as I stumbled my way into the DARK house trying not to trip over him! Thankfully Bryson had fallen asleep for the night, so Brooks and I went back and forth holding our candles wondering when the lights could possibly come back on, finally after 20-30 minutes of pondering we decided to head to bed. We left our bedroom light and bathroom light flipped on, so it would wake us up when it came back on at least we hoped, but that was useless!! Brooks turned his phone off b/c it was almost dead and I woke up about every hour to check the time to make sure we didn't over sleep! Now we did have one MAJOR concern that needed attention by morning or we would be in serious trouble....my husbands HOBBY.......the saltwater tanks....we have about 400 gallons of saltwater tanks throughout the house that require a certain temperature and water movement and without power NEITHER of those can be regulated...so we worried all night whether or not anything would die, had died or whether or not one of the four tanks had crashed or would crash before we had power.....

So my morning started earlier than ever at  4:45....to be exact, mostly because I didn't really sleep in fear of the unknown that no power brings! It was very scary, very weird the silence in the house, the complete darkness in the night sky! Many things ran through my mind throughout the night, what if someone tried to break in, how would we protect ourselves when we couldn't even see ourselves, what if the baby was already here, how in the world do you take care of a baby in the COMPLETE darkness, what if there was another storm or tornado coming, we would never know b/c there was nothing that could warn us! My thoughts were endless, so we decided to get up and go to McDonald's one for food, since we couldn't open the fridge, use the toaster, or even see to pour cereal and two to see some LIGHT! When we got home I fumbled for some clothes, that didn't require ironing and that would actually fit, gathered my make-up, brushed my teeth and headed to work to finish getting ready....because in case you didn't know b/c I didn't, the freaking hot water heater (that would have provided a nice warm shower) REQUIRES POWER!

Brooks and Bryson went to pick up a generator, so if nothing else could be turned on, the fish tanks could! Thankfully it wasn't a cold night, since we didn't have heat nor did the fish. Brooks was able to get all of the tanks going by 8 and NOTHING THANKFULLY was wrong! By 10 am our little community was full of life  and light again and we all had POWER!!!

So as the day progressed it got better and it ended with hearing the heartbeat of the sweet girl in my belly!!! :) Now we can move onto the fun days for this week with hopefully no more road blocks in the way! I hope you were safe from the storm last night and I also hope that you take a minute to realize how much we truly rely on POWER! It is one of the greatest inventions and I am very thankful to have access to it today! Have a GREAT week...there should be another post this week....so stay tuned! :) Love to you, Alysha