WOW! What a week! I would like to dedicate this blog to ALL THE POSITIVES in our lives!! First of all, I need to say a HUGE thank you to our wonderful co-workers, close friends, facebook friends, and our families! I truly believe that this week has turned out to be an ok week because of you all. To everyone that has sent sweet notes, given thoughtful grins, been there to listen, been there to read our story and MOST of all to EVERYONE that has said a prayer for us this week! No matter if it was one prayer or many YOU are very responsible for my positive mood and attitude today and for days to come. I would also, like to thank you God for listening and answering all of the prayers that you and we have sent him! I am very humbled and appreciative for everything this week. Please know that I never doubted for once that we were not loved and cared for, but this week has shown us that we are more blessed than I ever imagined and we will never take that for granted!
So we went to the doctor today and it was confirmed that this chapter is closing quickly in our lives. However, I didn't realize this because I have been pain free throughout the entire week. I realize from many of you that have experienced this very situation that it is not usually a pain free process, so that is a HUGE POSITIVE!!
I would like to say that I am still very sad about this situation and sad that there is not a sweet baby in my belly anymore, but I feel as if I have regained myself and my body. As I said yesterday I tried so hard to do good for this baby and not do anything to harm him/her. I think maybe I tried too hard, harder than I should have had to try because again I felt the need to protect the baby from what has happened this week. However, I had a Mountain Dew today and I didnt feel guilty (honestly it wasn't that good, but I knew I could have one without worrying). I want a Starbucks, granted I have forgotten what they taste like, so that will probably be gross too, but that is beside the point! I want to RUN and the doctor said I could, which I felt before I might hurt the baby, so that will be on the agenda for the weekend! I promised Bryson that this weekend or next we would go to Carowinds and I would ride the wooden roller coaster over and over with him! I want a massage badly, so that is in the near future as well. Although these silly, petty things don't replace our sweet baby at least I feel comfort in knowing that I can do this things for a little while before we decide whether or not to try again, so these are ALL POSITIVES!!!
So I feel like I should share my day with you....I went to the workshop that I was scheduled to go to and it was a GREAT day! I had lunch out like adults do, so that was fun!! And it reminded me of my dreams....my dreams to do more than be a teacher. I have pondered going back to school for the doctorate program for a couple of years, but as days go by and I stay in the classroom those dreams fade and take a back burner, but today they were reignited. I would love to be able to be a presenter at workshops and share my knowledge and stories with other educators, become an EC Director someday, heck I want to save every kid from "being left behind" and to do that I need to do more with my career. So the workshop today and going back to work was a HUGE POSITIVE!!!
I am very grateful for this week, it was an eye opener that we desperately needed. We needed to be reminded of our blessings and POSITIVE things in our lives and you guys loving and praying for us was a BONUS! I am happy that this week I have been able to reflect on myself, my life, our lives as a family, our future, and all of the lessons that I have learned this week!! Thank you again for your continued support, prayers, love and most of ALL for being POSITIVES in our lives :) Love you!!!
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
So I've been thinking......
I've been thinking because that is all I have to do.......I like numbers and I like to make things make sense in number form. I don't like math, so it's odd that I have this obsession with numbers, but I do. My favorite, I guess you could call it lucky number, is 44!!! Love this number, this number has been around for me for a long time. It's in my license tag, it was my teller number at the bank, it just follows me everywhere. I am not sure why, but if I see this number somewhere I know it's going to be a good day.
So anyways enough about my number, here are some more number thingys that I find in my life to be interesting....in 1995, October to be exact I lost my grandmother, then in December (same year) I lost my grandfather and great grandfather. This was a tough year, it was my freshman year of high school and it started out really bad and my mother still continued to make me play in the stupid band, which sticks out as something terrible from that year too. So 5 years later in 2000, I really can't think of anything that sticks out as being bad or a loss or anything worth noting...so fast forward 5 more years. January 2005 was a good month, good things happening, getting married in 6 months and then came February. Brooks had been having problems with his hip, it was hurting for several months, no one could find a cause or reason...he just had pain. We were sent to Baptist and they seemed optimistic, not a big deal, do surgery, remove it, go home the same day. So being the carefree 23 year old that I once was I went with him to Baptist that day, no change of clothes, no toothbrush, nothing but papers to grade and homework to work on. He had surgery on Feb. 17th (keep this number in mind b/c you will see it again ;)). This day turned out to be HORRIBLE! Not only was surgery way longer than planned, he nor I went home that day. Turns out there was cancer in his hip, but THANKFULLY they removed it all and he didn't need any other type of treatment. He spent several days there, not one like planned, and when he got home I took care of him for at least a month b/c he couldn't. This is when I think our marriage really began although we had not said I do, yet. There was even a question as to whether he would have to walk down the aisle on June 11th with crutches. But we made it through, he is able to coach and play soccer now as if it never happened, so this is one of our MANY blessings. So we got married, went to Hawaii (which was amazing) and got pregnant while we were there! Bryson was due March 15th 2006, 9 months, 4 days after we got married. So here is another number thingy for you...I got preeclampsia and was admitted to the hospital on Valentine's of 06. Bryson came the next day and he was PERFECT, not one problem! And we brought our bundle of joy home on Feb. 17th of 06.....remember that number, the year before was a terrible day and we trusted that that day would be better and a year later it was, it was a GREAT day! So now we are in 2010...so far a good year, nothing major has happened until this week. I refuse to say the word, but our baby that was in my belly went to live with baby Jesus this week. So I feel as if God knows what our family can handle and he trusts that every 5-10 years we are ready to deal with something more difficult. I know that he knows once we have dealt with this difficult thing, he is going to give us something GREAT! So for now, we wait!!!
Can you believe that all started because of numbers, whew I need a break ;) Much love to you!
So anyways enough about my number, here are some more number thingys that I find in my life to be interesting....in 1995, October to be exact I lost my grandmother, then in December (same year) I lost my grandfather and great grandfather. This was a tough year, it was my freshman year of high school and it started out really bad and my mother still continued to make me play in the stupid band, which sticks out as something terrible from that year too. So 5 years later in 2000, I really can't think of anything that sticks out as being bad or a loss or anything worth noting...so fast forward 5 more years. January 2005 was a good month, good things happening, getting married in 6 months and then came February. Brooks had been having problems with his hip, it was hurting for several months, no one could find a cause or reason...he just had pain. We were sent to Baptist and they seemed optimistic, not a big deal, do surgery, remove it, go home the same day. So being the carefree 23 year old that I once was I went with him to Baptist that day, no change of clothes, no toothbrush, nothing but papers to grade and homework to work on. He had surgery on Feb. 17th (keep this number in mind b/c you will see it again ;)). This day turned out to be HORRIBLE! Not only was surgery way longer than planned, he nor I went home that day. Turns out there was cancer in his hip, but THANKFULLY they removed it all and he didn't need any other type of treatment. He spent several days there, not one like planned, and when he got home I took care of him for at least a month b/c he couldn't. This is when I think our marriage really began although we had not said I do, yet. There was even a question as to whether he would have to walk down the aisle on June 11th with crutches. But we made it through, he is able to coach and play soccer now as if it never happened, so this is one of our MANY blessings. So we got married, went to Hawaii (which was amazing) and got pregnant while we were there! Bryson was due March 15th 2006, 9 months, 4 days after we got married. So here is another number thingy for you...I got preeclampsia and was admitted to the hospital on Valentine's of 06. Bryson came the next day and he was PERFECT, not one problem! And we brought our bundle of joy home on Feb. 17th of 06.....remember that number, the year before was a terrible day and we trusted that that day would be better and a year later it was, it was a GREAT day! So now we are in 2010...so far a good year, nothing major has happened until this week. I refuse to say the word, but our baby that was in my belly went to live with baby Jesus this week. So I feel as if God knows what our family can handle and he trusts that every 5-10 years we are ready to deal with something more difficult. I know that he knows once we have dealt with this difficult thing, he is going to give us something GREAT! So for now, we wait!!!
Can you believe that all started because of numbers, whew I need a break ;) Much love to you!
The last week of September....
I was soooo looking forward to this week....2 days of teaching and finishing up a whole unit, that we have worked so hard on for several weeks, then 2 days at a workshop, which are always fun because its something new and different and you get to go out to lunch like adults do, instead of eating in the school's cafeteria, then on Friday was a scheduled doctors appointment to hear the baby's heartbeat and then we were off to the beach for the weekend. Something told me not to post my status for FB as: "Looking forward to a fun week" because that same something told me my week was not going to go as planned and how I wanted it to on my calendar. On Monday, I started having some complications and by Tuesday I knew that there was a problem and I needed to go to the doctor now, not Friday. Well, we went to a new doctor (because mine would not see me and acted as if I was crazy for even calling, I will not mention names, but that is no longer my doctors office), I was calm and my blood pressure was good/normal, which is unusual because its always a little on the higher side, I could tell right away that something was wrong and that there was not a heartbeat. In that moment though I felt PEACE! Peace that I have not felt the whole 9 1/2 weeks because something told me AGAIN, the whole time, it was not real, it just didn't feel right. With Bryson I was carefree and didn't worry, didn't think twice about him or the pregnancy until the end when I got preeclampsia. With this one I have taken my vitamins, not held Bryson, tried to eat right, tried to swim 2-3 times a week, I have been VERY careful, but it just wasn't enough and I think I thought the more I do to do better than I did with Bryson, the better off the baby will be.
As many of you know we told about our SURPRISE at Brooks' 30th Birthday Party and I was only 3 1/2 weeks pregnant . I knew at the time that it was pushing the limit by telling so early, but I was totally caught up in the moment and it was so fun to see our friends and family react in the way that they did. I have been anxiously counting down and waiting for this week to hear the heartbeat before I could really believe that this was true. I have hinted on FB that we were pregnant and many friends, co-workers, and family members knew, but I still could not bring myself to say WE ARE PREGNANT, it just would not come out, it felt like the whole time it was not real. I figured up that I was due the week of Spring Break and how perfect is that be off a few days, have a baby, and take a long summer, again it was PERFECT, but not real! I now know that things are not meant to be perfect and that they don't go as they look on my calendar, on my time and secretly I knew this before, but I was just hoping that God wanted this to be and I realize his lesson in this.
Today is a new day and I feel good, I feel like I should be doing something productive because sitting home, watching it rain is not for me. I am hopeful that our future is brighter than yesterday, but I truly understand the lesson in yesterday and I know that if we are only suppose to have Bryson in our lives then that is PERFECT enough for me because he is PERFECT and I can spoil him and he can be a mommy's boy forever! I think the hard time will come in April when I was suppose to have a new bundle of joy and spend the last month of Bryson's preschool years with him, but I now know that was not meant to be and its ok because my perfect little boy will be going to school with me next year and I can watch every move he makes from kindergarten to 5th grade and that makes this a little easier. For now, I am going to publish this without proofreading because I have a lunch date with my husband. I will be back for more later because I think I have found my outlet: BLOGGING :) See ya in a bit!!!
As many of you know we told about our SURPRISE at Brooks' 30th Birthday Party and I was only 3 1/2 weeks pregnant . I knew at the time that it was pushing the limit by telling so early, but I was totally caught up in the moment and it was so fun to see our friends and family react in the way that they did. I have been anxiously counting down and waiting for this week to hear the heartbeat before I could really believe that this was true. I have hinted on FB that we were pregnant and many friends, co-workers, and family members knew, but I still could not bring myself to say WE ARE PREGNANT, it just would not come out, it felt like the whole time it was not real. I figured up that I was due the week of Spring Break and how perfect is that be off a few days, have a baby, and take a long summer, again it was PERFECT, but not real! I now know that things are not meant to be perfect and that they don't go as they look on my calendar, on my time and secretly I knew this before, but I was just hoping that God wanted this to be and I realize his lesson in this.
Today is a new day and I feel good, I feel like I should be doing something productive because sitting home, watching it rain is not for me. I am hopeful that our future is brighter than yesterday, but I truly understand the lesson in yesterday and I know that if we are only suppose to have Bryson in our lives then that is PERFECT enough for me because he is PERFECT and I can spoil him and he can be a mommy's boy forever! I think the hard time will come in April when I was suppose to have a new bundle of joy and spend the last month of Bryson's preschool years with him, but I now know that was not meant to be and its ok because my perfect little boy will be going to school with me next year and I can watch every move he makes from kindergarten to 5th grade and that makes this a little easier. For now, I am going to publish this without proofreading because I have a lunch date with my husband. I will be back for more later because I think I have found my outlet: BLOGGING :) See ya in a bit!!!
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